I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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