i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
