Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
did you just send me my own nude
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
