THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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