So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
COCAINE IS GR8
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
