Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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