So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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