I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
sex in a hospital.. check
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
