i permit you to call me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
