i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
