just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
