i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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