"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
