i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
