My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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