uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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