eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
