he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
