Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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