She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
