his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
