break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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