I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
