There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
