if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
