Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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