So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize