I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
