we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
