maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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