I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
