FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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