The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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