our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
