Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He shit in the fireplace
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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