My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
