He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
