Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
