i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
