I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
