Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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