hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
