That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
