His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
