Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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