It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
