lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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