Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
