planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
