Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
