she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
