He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
