Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
