The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
