im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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