Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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