That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
