Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
