awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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