this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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