Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it because I queefed?
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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