Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
