I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
