why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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