Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
