Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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