her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
