Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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