I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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