tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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