I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
