You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
