Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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