i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you would pick up someone in the library
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
