Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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