Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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