508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I lost the right to judge tonight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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