Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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