You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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