His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
