Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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