Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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